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IESB reader Snake is back with a review of Paul W.S. Andersons latest Death Race, a remake of the cult classic 1975 film Death Race 2000 by Roger Corman.
{sidebar id=1}The script is written by Paul W.S. Anderson himself and is dated 12/28/2005. See what Snake had to say about it below. Be aware, hes a hardcore fan of the original
Snake here!
So, let me just begin by saying I don't hate everything Paul W.S. Anderson has committed to celluloid. I'm not going to go on and on about how he's a pariah to genre film making in general, or how he is a talentless hack who is deserving of our scorn. I think the web has plenty of that gab floating around it already.
And truth be known, Ive enjoyed a few of his films to one extent or another.
However, when I do dislike a movie by Mr. Anderson, I must say, I really, really, really, dislike it. As a matter of fact, that 'hate' word I used at the beginning of this rant would apply to at least one of his flicks.
So to start us off, lets do a quick rundown of his previous forays into filmmaking before I get on to the script for his latest. I think itll help give us some perspective.
Lets start with his first movie, Shopping starring Jude Law.
Never seen it.
Next, lets move onto "Mortal Kombat". Loved it when I was a pre-pubes, but has anybody else noticed that this movie gets crappier with every passing week. Catch it on cable some time and I'm sure you'll get my drift.
On the other hand, "Event Horizon" was a flick I do dig. But before I start heaping on the praise, I've read internet rumors asserting (by credible sources no doubt) that much of it was re-shot by another, unnamed director, who was sent into the production to essentially save the film. Take that for what it's worth. Who knows?
"Soldier", was one giant disappointment. I'm sure Carpenter (who, from what I understand, was first attached to the script) was rolling his eyes at how bad they botched this one up. And despite all of Kurt Russell's efforts, this thing still just lies there like pre-Viagra limp-ness. A big disappointment.
"The Sight"uhnever seen it. Sorry. Apparently this one was made for the boob tube, so chances are I missed it. But its got that Andrew McCarthy guy from Less Than Zero and Pretty and Pink so you never know I suppose
"Resident Evil" however, I did marginally enjoy. That being said I've been called a moron by more than half the known gaming world for admitting to that.
Hey, I didn't play the game! Sue me! Maybe if I'd had I'd feel different?
Saw the first sequel (which he wrote and produced) and sent it back in its Net-Flix envelope half watched. As a result, I didnt even bother with Apocalypsedespite my penchant for loving me some Jovovich!
And last but certainly not least; this brings us to the one movie I've known to actually burn the retinas out of perfectly healthy peoples eyes upon viewing it.
We all know what it is, because its pretty much universally hated by any person whose body houses the contents of a soul. Say it loud with me kids!
"AVP"
Yup. Aliens versus Predator. I can't remember the last time I was actually pissed off walking out of a theater. Oh yeah, wait! Yes I do! It was when I saw the movie that single handedly managed to derail two movie franchises with one swift kick to the collective worlds nuts.
Hey, I know the guys gotten a lot of flack for this onebut really! Seriously folks! Can anybody take too much flack for completely lousing up what should be as easy as tripping a blind, old lady in a walker!
Bad from concept to execution. One of the true pinnacles of train wreck cinema.
If we lived in vaudevillian times, its burlesque equivalent would have garnered no less than eggs and tomatoes flying at actors faces on stage (God how much I wouldve loved to chuck a tomato at one of those ridiculously stupid looking pumped up Predators!) And as a matter of fact, if that was still in vogue, we probably would have a lot less movies that are this disappointing being made. The threat of physical violence, in my experience is always a powerful motivator.
So what of the script to Andersons latest?
Ladies and gentleman ready your tomatoesthis brings us to Death Race. Paul W.S. Andersons' remake of the 1975 Corman exploitation classic.
I really dig the original Death Race 2000! You put it on a double bill with the likes of "Blood Sucking Freaks" and you got what in my opinion, are the two crown jewels of 70's exploitation satire coming at you correct. Take note New Beverly! Can't beat that jones if youre feeling it!
Which is why during the course of reading this script I figured out what Anderson's big, overriding problem is as creative force in the industry (laugh all you want at that last statement guys, but hes landed some pretty big gigs!) This guy just completely misses the point when it comes to his understanding of why it is people love these franchise type ideas so much.
I can only speak with regard to the ones I know about intimately (sorry Resident Evil) but in both having read his scripts and watched his films, it becomes glaringly and painfully obvious that in trying to make it accessible to a mass audience hes bleeding the sucker dry.
Hes doing all the things you should do with regular, mass market stuff, and applying those limp-dick sensibilities to franchise ideas that are in need interpretation to some degree. But not the aforementioned passionless treatment that is passed off as storytelling technique and craft (i.e. characters you feel for, etc.). Adapting anything that is eccentric by nature is never that cookie cutter. Its never plug-and-chug. And that seems to be Andersons problem when doing this stuff. Hes given exciting projects, but projects that if youre not a fan, you have to take some consideration and try and understand whats so special about them to begin with. Upon reviewing that consideration, youll know exactly what to change, and what to keep and translate. I cant see how it could be anything else.
Let me give you the rundown and youll see what I mean.
Its the future, and we learn via a radio shock jock known only to us as God (a poorly executed concept that could have worked much better for the scripta poor substitute for the Real Don Steele from our hallowed original also!) that the biggest sport in America (and even the World) is a state sanctioned, prison demolition derby, known only as the Death Race.
Like ancient gladiatorial games of old, prisoners of certain skill are pitted against one another to procure their freedom. In modified classic cars (i.e. our current models on the road) that sport all manner of weaponry, they do battle on a CLOSED CIRCUIT (take note to that folks!) racetrack, where by the masses watch them tear each other apart on their TV screens.
The favorite of course is Frankenstein, a four time winner who is on his last race before he is given his freedom. Problem is, at our stories beginning Frankenstein is reduced to a smear on the asphalt by one Machine Gun Joe.
The vampy, bible thumping, corporate whore of a warden known only as Hennessey, answers this dilemma by transferring in a convict who can replace the grease spot that was one our champion. Evidently, she has pulled this little switcheroo off at least two times before.
Enter Jensen. An ex-NASCAR driver come stick-up man who got nailed for armed robbery, and is consequently out on parole in just six weeks. The perfect rube!
After being set up by Hennessey, seeing as how she boards him with a pack of Neo-Nazis who he promptly kicks the shit out of, he has his sentence extended. That is unless of course, he takes Frankensteins place in the race, and wins his freedom. And seeing as how he has a wife and kid on the outside, he will do most anything to see that this is carried out.
Excepting the ultimatum, he is introduced to CASE, his sexpot navigator, COACH the old and wise head pit-man of the crew, LISTS the Coachs right hand man and GUNNER, the lead mechanic for the team.
From all over the world, every nation sends their top driver/prisoners for the big race. To list a few of the colorful characters (no Matilda the Hun here folks!) there is BECKHAM from England (can anybody else guess why he might be named that!), TOFU (can anybody guess his race kids, cause Ill bet you he sure aint German!) and GRIM, a prisoner from our neighboring friends up north with the Maple Leaf flag. All decidedly less colorful than their counterparts in the original, Id say.
And so it goesthe race begins and they're off!
Sothere should be one major questionand one major What the Fuck! that should be entering your mind if you were a fan of the original.
Numero Uno) Why in the Sam-hell isnt there any mention of HITTING INNOCENT PEDESTRAINS! That was the whole appeal of the first oneor am I just plain bat-shit crazy!
Remember the point system! Infants and the elderly score highest! Why the hell would you leave that out? Other than this insatiable limp-dick need to sissify everything now-a-days, I cant see why!
To digress for a moment, all I hear now-a-days is this yap from parent groups about how R-rated films are marketed to kids, and how everything is too violent!
HAVE WE NO SENSE OF HISTORY HERE IN THE STATES!
When I was a kid, they made action FIGURES for RAMBO and COMMANDO! Imagine if they did that with the new Rambo flick! These goody-two-shoe parent groups would go freakin ballistic!
Think about it! Those were both really violent, very R-rated films! So people just need to get over this notion of the good-ol-days and how everything was so tailored to the innocence of children. If anything, its much, much better now! Look at the choices they have for childrens tastes these days? Its practically intimidating.
So getting back to Death Race, by the looks of it, this sucker I just read is aiming for that all coveted and glorious PG-13 rating! It even references it directly in the script
Sigh
Why this need to do this to us! Were adults! We can take it!
Believe it or not, but I want to see innocent pedestrians mowed down in cold blood!
You know why?
Because I drive LA freeways, thats why. And since I cant do it in real life, I want to live vicariously through the fantasy of film! And guess what? Thats not a childrens fantasy! Its not supposed to be! Its an adult fantasy! And do you want to know why it is?
Because children dont have to take the wheel on LA freeways! And thats why they have no way of knowing about that utterly mind numbing frustration! And thus arent capable of understanding the irony inherent in such an absurd and lunatic idea!
You call it pandering? Well its a satire! In the original film you have a movie that was essentially a cautionary tale of pandering to the masses with respect to violence, by doing exactly that! Pandering to the masses with bargain basement violence! Any and all element of satire has been completely sucked out of this update.
SO WHERE IS MY CROSS COUNTRY MURDER SPREE!
You sure as hell cant do that on a close circuit track! And by the way, it seems theyve completely confused their exploitation. The whole prison scenario (although not completely bad) is much more Escape from New York than it is Death Race 2000. Or am I alone on this one . . .
Numero Dos) FRANKENSTEIN IS A FAMILY MAN! Let me say that again . . .
FRANKENSTEIN IS A FREAKIN FAMILY MAN!
No longer is he the genetically engineered perfect race-car driver. A killing machine with an eye for vengeance on our dear Mr. President! One mean mother fucker with a hand grenade! Nope. Instead, now he is family man who is trying to get back to his little girl on the outside.
And to that I say, What the hell!
This is what Im talking about! This is that aforementioned need to tone everything. By making Frankenstein a more sympathetic character it would seem that the makers of this are adhering to the age old screen writing adage. But that adage shouldnt undermine the material itself. It shouldnt take everything we dig about the original badass film and turn it all PG-13 and shit. Thats mundane and common! Thats what this change to the Frankenstein character essentially does.
Dont get me wrong. Im not against PG-13 flicks. But make a flick that is a PG-13 flick. Not try and hammer a concept or idea that clearly isnt of that demographic into a square peg that will do nothing for it as a movie.
The reason why I harp on this is because in the script I received there was a direct reference to the
PG-13-ness of one act of violence that takes place towards the beginning. It was actually written into the body of the exposition, for no other reason than to placate fears that the act would cross a line. Its the only reason I can suspect somebody would write that in a script. I can only assume that this sensibility will apply across the board to much of the rest of the film.
The original was quite brutal, but also really freakin funny. None of that is here in any preserved sense of the word. And the original had its fare share of nudity also. Hardly PG-13 material, even according to our so-called lax standards.
Anyway . . .
As I said, who knows? Maybe if the car crash stuff is really, really, really mind blowing it could work. I did like some of that stuff. And I hear Jason Stathams in it, and I like him a lot. He kicks a lot of ass, even when the flick hes in dont. And from what I read a lot of the car crash stuff really did seem pretty spectacular on the page.
After all, I thought the Dawn of the Dead remake was going to suck, and I had to eat my words on that one. So once again I dont want anybody to think that Im not being objective about this. There were elements I dug.
I also did like some of the mechanics of how the race operates (I.E. it works kinda like the old Spy Hunter game, with having to activate your weapons by hitting a mark . . . curiously enough Anderson is attached to this project also or so Ive heard).
But that stuff is ultimately the easiest stuff to write in a way. With all the satirical elements stripped away, what are we left with? Make Frankenstein a family man, and making the race sans pedestrian deaths and I feel like the fundamental character of the whole thing has been fucked up. Youve sucked all the vitality out of it.
I mean, I knew there had to be changes. The original is so dated and of its time that it needed some level of translation. But that translation should never suffer the context. It should never kill what it is we like about the idea itself.
I want mowed down pedestrians!
And to those people who say that this remake will be one thing, and the original will be another . . . I say to you, why even try and remake it at all then? You could have just as easily not used the name and characters at all (only Frankenstein and Joe remain) and nobody would have really made many comparisons. It just would have been seen as a similar kind of movie.
I can only guess the reason why its being remade is because like all remade material it has some brand name recognition, which means it has some sort of built-in audience. But with that brand name, comes certain expectations. The fun is how you take those expectations and properly align them with a fresh and contemporary take on the material.
Sorry . . . but like it or not, what comes with the Death Race brand (that is one funny sounding statement) is pedestrian deaths! Like it or not.
Once again, . . . call me Snake.
Death Race 12/28/05, 118 Pages.
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