(Woe is Me),
I Miss Roddenberry

To be sung (tongue firmly in cheek) to the music of “American Pie”

With sincerest admiration and apologies to
Don McClean’s timeless masterpiece

Adaptation/Parody/Abomination by J.T. Hookirk
© 2005, Vulcan Lovers Music*

A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How that series used to make me smile.

For Trek I bought my first TV
Each episode I longed to see
And they would make me hopeful for a while

But Fall of ‘91 terrified me so
I’m glad that Gene didn’t know
The accountants that he hated so
Would upon his passing run his show

I can’t remember if I cried
When Star Trek did lose its genius guide
Yet something grokked me deep inside
The day that Star Trek died

Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

And who did write the show bible
Based on Wagon Train from Hell
‘Cause a producer paid the bill?

And does continuity mean a thing to you
If Zephirum Cochran appears times two?
And can you explain it again to me, real slow?

Well, I know you lifted B5’s beats
‘Cause I caught you cribbin’ Straczynski’s sheets
You so ripped off that man
He should sue you again if he can

I was a lonely awkward nerdy teen
With a pocket protector and my acne cream
But I knew I just had to scream
The day that Star Trek died

I started singin’ Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

Now for so long Trek’s been on deathwatch
Next Gen life support on Berman’s watch
“That’s not how Voyager will be”

When Brannon prepped Janeway’s turks
For roles inspired by James Kirk
Delta quadrant was to be his life’s work

But while Janeway was off changing brains
The best ideas went down the drain
They did the studio backstroke
And Voyager became a joke

Then we watched DS9 disembark
While Voyager wandered in the dark
And we began to miss even Quark
The day that Star Trek died

We were singing Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

Scott Bakula’s milking Count Chocula
While his mates are drinking like Dracula
Seven of Nine caught a writer’s pass

And Enterprise needed ratings fast
So the producers went for more tits and ass
With the future doubtful for the cast

Last season’s pilot was much improved
But the ratings rates refused to move
Manny said “I’ll take that chance”
Then they cut back his finance

So diehard fans blogged the field
The syndicators refused to yield
Their hundred show run was thus revealed
The day that Star Trek died

We started singing Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

Now all the shows are in one place
Voyager, Enterprise, in Deep Space
With no ideas to mine again

Keep the tranya flowing, good barkeep,
Archer’s making his Quantum Leap
Cause fans are an actor’s only friend

And as I watched the Federation die
My ire was fixed on mountains high
No talent could mask the smell
Of “maintain that franchise” Hell

And as the gold piled high into the night
A franchise bilked of every right
I heard accountants laughing with delight
The day that Star Trek died

He was singing Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

I asked Gene’s wife about Enterprise
As I wondered at her sighs
But she just cried and turned away

I went down to the TV store
Where I’d watched the series years before
But the owner said that Trek shelf space doesn’t pay

And at the cons the trekkies screamed
The trekkers cried and the fansites dreamed
But no dissent was spoken
The talkback rooms were broken

And the three men who gave Trek the most
Berman, Braga, and Gene’s Ghost
They took the last plane up the coast
The day that Star Trek died

And they were singing Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

They were singing Woe is me, I miss Roddenberry
I sing my goodbyes to his franchise that accountants milked dry
And my hardcore friends are chuggin’ Klingon Bloodwine
Singin’ I have been and will always be your friend
Live Long and Prosper to the end

Dedicated to
Gene Roddenberry
Dreamer and Visionary
19 August 1921 – 24 October 1991

* These lyrics are copyrighted material and not allowed to be reposted anywhere in it's entirety. Any partial posting must be linked back to this page.